Talent

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.

The bartender looks at him and says, "But you're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the bartender.

"I see your ears are working," says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich, please?"

"Certainly," says the bartender, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck.

So the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, pays and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the bartender tells him about the incredible talking duck.

"Marvelous!" says the ringleader, "get him to come see me."

So the next day, the duck comes into the pub. The bartender says, "Hey, Mr Duck, I lined you up with a top job paying really good money!"

"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

"At the circus" says the bartender.

"The circus?" the duck enquires.

"That's right," replies the bartender.

"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck.

"That's right!" says the bartender.

The duck looks confused and asks: "What the heck do they want with a plasterer?"

Happy New Year to "Funniest Joker" Readers

Happy New Year to "Funniest Joker" Readers

We wish you and your families a happy and a prosperous new year!!!

Whiskey

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much of
his free time in the local bar, so one night he took her along with
him. "What'll you have?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the
husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one
shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately
spit it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know
how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out
enjoying myself every night!"

Viruses

Coming to a hard drive near you, the worst computer viruses yet:

-- AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service
you're getting.

-- MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying
too much for AT&T virus.

-- Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attack--once if by
LAN, twice if by C:\>.

-- Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a "virus." Instead,
it's an "electronic microorganism."

-- Government Spokesman Virus: Nothing works but all your diagnos- tic
software says everything is fine,

Jesus christ, God all mighty!!

A boy was walking home from getting groceries when he slipped and fell in the mud. He shouted: "Jesus christ, God all mighty!!" A church minister happened to be passing through, with his hands at his hips and his brows curled, with a stern voice he demanded: "What did you say, young man!?" Tthe boy, shaken, surprised and embarrassed at being caught, quickly thought his escape, replied: "Ahhhm, cheese and crackers got all muddy!"