21st Birthdays

A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink. 

So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety. 

Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" 

Granny looked into Lars' eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in July."

Doctor's Help

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. 

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is, to have a compulsion like this." 

Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of a Psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My Brother and my Wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they get." 

The man wrote down the name of the Doctor, thanked the bar- tender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being. 

Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine. 

"I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the Psychoanalyst twice a week." He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the bartender's face. 

The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. "The Doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good." He sputtered. 

"On the contrary," the man claimed, "he's done me world of good." 

"But you threw the wine in my face again!" The bartender exclaimed. 

"Yes." The man replied. "But it doesn't embarrass me anymore!"

Silent Treatment

Mike and Joan were having some problems at home and were giving each other the "silent treatment." But then Mike realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning drive with some pals to go golfing. 

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and so lose the 'war'), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am." 

The next morning, Mike woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and that his friends had left for the golf course without him. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. 

The paper said, "It's 5:00 am. Wake up." 

Men simply are not equipped for these kinds of contests

Strange Lawyer

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." 

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. 

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." 

That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: 

"That's Strange!"