The Big Business Way

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican
village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the
small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American
complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long
it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while.

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more
fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate
needs. The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of
your time?

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my
children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village
each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a
full and busy life, senor."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You
should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat
with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats,
eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling
your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor,
eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product,
processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small
coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and
eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

But what then, senor?

The American laughed and said that's the best part. When the time is
right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the
public and become very rich, you would make millions.

Millions, senor? Then what?

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal
fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with
your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the
evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your
amigos."

At least you won fist prize

An irsh man was in a pub and he got very drunk. So he stumbled outside
and passed out on the grass. Two women walk past him one leans over to
her friends and whispers: "I wonder what is under an irish man's
kilt." So they tip toe over and lift his kilt. He was wearing nothing
at all they. Filled with giggles, one whispered: "How should we tell
him we saw this beauty?" In reply the other girl pulls a blue ribbon
from her hair and ties it under his kilt.

They leave and a few hours later he wakes up and has to go, so he
lifts his kilt and spots the blue ribbon and he says: "I dont know
where you've been or what you've been doing but at least you won fist
prize."

CAT Scan

As a resident physician in radiology, I was speaking with the man
whose wife was about to receive a CAT scan of the chest.

While the nurse was placing the intravenous line, I asked the husband
if his wife had undergone any other tests. The man named several
procedures involving various body parts, but he couldn't remember one
particular test.

Thinking out loud, he said, "What is that thing women have that men don't?"

His wife was quick to answer, "A brain, dear."

Lion of the Circus

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One
is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other a gorgeous blond
in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them: "I'm not going to
sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so
you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment --
chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and
the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl
and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws
open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead
in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet
and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several
minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a
display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and
asks: "Can you top that?" The tough old golfer replies: "No problem,
just get that lion out of there."

The Short of a Story!

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody,
and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure Somebody
would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that
Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what
Anybody could have.

overloading!!!

A man driving home late at night in his Volkswagen beetle car was
stopped by by policemen on patrol. The police asked the man to produce
his car document. When they could not fault the document, the next
question to the man was: "My friend, do you realise that you committed
a criminal offence by driving alone in this car at late night?" The
man became angry and responded: "How could you say that? God the
father, the son and holy spirit, prophet Elijah and Angels Micheal and
Gabriel are all with me in the Car." The policeman replied: "You mean,
all these people are in this small car? I charge you for overloading!"

Broken Window

There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years
old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and
he wanted it back.

Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a base- ball
and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "How do you
suppose this ball got in here?" I asked the boy.

Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at
me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must have thrown it right through that
hole!"

breakfast in bed

An elder couple was lying in bed after they awakened just chatting.
The husband suggested whomever thought of the best rhyme could get
breakfast in bed. She thought a bit and said: "Ok, shoot."

He thought for a bit and then said: “2 and 2 are 4, 4 and 5 makes 9,
I've got my hand on yours, you've got your hand on mine.†She thought
a bit then said: "2 plus 2 is 4, 4 and 5 makes 9, I know the length of
yours, you don't know the depth of mine."

Top Secret Communications Center

When my son was in the Air Force, my wife and I visited quite often.
On our first visit, we were allowed inside this top secret
Communications Center, but everything in sight was covered up so we
could look around everywhere -- Heck, even the toilet paper in the
Men's room was disguised.

Anyway, at the exit, there's a sign above the door, which reads: "You
have been exposed to Top Secret Material. Please destroy yourself
before leaving the building."

breathe in breathe out

There was a blonde who came in a Super Cuts with headphones on and the
hair stylist told her to take them off so he can cutt her hair. And
the blonde said: "No. I'll die." He asked again and she 'no, I will
die." So the hair stylist pulled them off, put them on his counter and
turned around and she was dead. He listened to the tape in her
headphones and it said to 'breathe in breathe out'.