A Woman's Random Thoughts

If you love something, set it free. 

If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it. 

Insanity is my only means of relaxation. 

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. 

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them. 

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

Ants...

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson. 

"Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?" 

One child was ready with an answer: "They don't have a union."

Juggling Test

A juggler who was driving to his next performance was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. 

"I juggle them in my act." 

"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. 

A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

Definition of a Million

A man was praying to God. 

He said, "God!?" 

God responded, "Yes?" 

And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?" 

"Go right ahead," God said. 

"God, what is a million years to you?" 

God said, "a million years to me is only a second." 

"Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?" 

God said, "a million dollars to me is as a penny." 

So the man said, "God. Can I have a penny?" 

And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second."