A police pulled a man over and said...

A police pulled a man over and said "sir did you know that you are
going 20 miles over the speed limit?" and the man answers, "No officer
i did not." and his wife says, "yes you did I've been telling you that
for the last 20 minutes." and the man yells "Shut up!" and the officer
says, "Well did you know that your liscense plate is expired?" and the
man answers "no officer i did not."

And the wife says "yes you did I've been telling you for three months
to get it updated!" and the husband yells "Be Quite! or i'll tape it
shut!" and the officer says "ma'm does he always talk to you like
this?" and the wife answers "no only when he's drinking."

A young boy enters a barber shop...

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his
customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove
it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters
in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want,
son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?"
said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out
of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did
you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his
cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is
over!"

Three blondes are stuck on a desert island...

Three blondes are stuck on a desert island and one finds a magic lamp.
They rub it and a genie pops out and gives them each a wish. the first
blonde says, "I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off of this
island." Then she turns into a redhead and swims off the island. The
second sees what happens and says "I wish I was 25% smarter so that I
can get off this island!" She then turns into a brunette, makes a raft
from trees and sails off. Finally, the third blonde says "I wish I was
50% smarter so I can get off this island." She then suddenly turns
into a man and walks across the bridge.

I Am A Father

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he
wore his collar that way.

The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."

The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and said, "I am the Father of many."

The boy said, "My Dad has four boys, four girls and two grandchildren
and he doesn't wear his collar that way."

The priest, getting impatient, said "I am the Father of hundreds," and
went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly... but on leaving the bus, he leaned over
and said, "Well, maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of
your collar."