He grabbed the man by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
The mule answered, "To live like this for 35 years is too much.
Please, give me no more than 20."
And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, "You are dog. You will hold
vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest
companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years."
The dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog like that is too
much. Please, no more than 10 years."
And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall
swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and
you shall live for 20 years."
The monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the
world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years."
And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational
Being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have
mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth
and live for 20 years."
The man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little.
Please, Lord; give me the 15 years the mule refused, the 20 years the
dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected."
And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 15
years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then,
he is to have children and live 20 years as a dog, guarding his house
and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old
age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his
grandchildren.
And it is so...
"They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."
The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the
international date line -- and it was July 23.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and so lose the
'war'), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am."
The next morning, Mike woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and
that his friends had left for the golf course without him. Furious, he
was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It's 5:00 am. Wake up."
Men simply are not equipped for these kinds of contests
When she sat down at the table, she noticed that the dishes were the
dirtiest that she had ever seen in her life.
"Have these dishes ever been washed?" Tina asked, running her fingers
over the grit and grime.
Jim replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."
Tina felt a bit apprehensive, but started eating. It was really
delicious and she said so, despite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, Jim took the dishes outside, whistled and yelled
for his dogs, "Here, Soap! Here, Water!"
But maybe I could have explained things better. To the question "What
portion of a foot is six inches?"
One student answered, "The toes?"
