Definition of a Million

A man was praying to God. 

He said, "God!?" 

God responded, "Yes?" 

And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?" 

"Go right ahead," God said. 

"God, what is a million years to you?" 

God said, "a million years to me is only a second." 

"Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?" 

God said, "a million dollars to me is as a penny." 

So the man said, "God. Can I have a penny?" 

And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second."

New to Baseball

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked. 

"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!" 

"Really? How'd you do that?" 

"I dropped the ball."

uneral Comments

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? 

The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." 

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow. 

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!

Man On His Deathbed

As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them." 

His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"

Stop redundancy

The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time. 

Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be nor confusing. 

So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting. 

This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening the repetition.