Hunting Flies

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. 

"What are you doing?" she asked. 

"Hunting Flies," he responded. 

"Oh!, Killed any?" she asked. 

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. 

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" 

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

Elephant Robbery

A jeweller called the police station to report a robbery. 

"You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away." 

The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?" 

"What's the difference?" asked the jeweller. 

"Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears." 

"Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweller. "He had a stocking over his head."

What is Kitty?

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. 

On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens." 

"How did you know that?" his mother asked. 

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

Carol's Gun

Rummaging through her attic one day, my friend Carol found an old shotgun. Unsure how to dispose of it, she called her parents. 

"Take it to the police station," her mother suggested. My friend was about to hang up when her mom added.... 

"And, Carol?" 

"Yes, mom?" 

"Call them first and let them know you're coming."

In a Vacuum

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" 

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"