Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

I resolve to work with neglected children. (my own). 

I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. 

When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" 

I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number. 

I will balance my checkbook. (on my nose). 

I will think of a password for my computer other than "password." 

I will try to figure out why I "really" need 11 e-mail addresses. 

I will go into McDonald''s and order a McSpreader 

I will go into McDonald''s and order a McSlurry 

I will find out why the correspondence course on "Mail Fraud" that I purchased never showed up.