At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to
be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while
in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule,
and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the U.S. attorney general said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," the attorney general said. "They desire
average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names
like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval
with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles
used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President George W. Bush said,
"If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He
would have given us more fingers and toes!!!"
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